Thursday, July 31, 2008

Motion Sensors: Not intended for use in the bathroom!



This post is dedicated to dug, the man made famous by his tales of poop and pee.

You see, I just returned from a trip to the bathroom. My company is small, and as such we do not enjoy the convenience of having a bathroom inside our office. So this afternoon, when I felt the need to conduct some private business, I walked out of our space, down the hall and into common bathroom #2. Note that we do enjoy the convenience of having two such facilities on our floor. Bathroom #1 is just outside our office, around the corner, next to the elevator. Generally it's only utilized for peeing as the space is quite small and contains only one, very narrow, extremely claustrophobic, stall. A stall that also has, I might add, a very high door that creates a very real feeling of exposure.

Bathroom #2, on the other hand, is spacious, containing three urinals and two stalls, one of which is designed for people with special needs and as such, due to its size, is by far the preferred destination for seated business. It should also be noted that both bathrooms were recently remodeled and, in an attempt to conserve energy (or so I'm assuming), equipped with motion detecting lights. I'm sure the astute reader can begin to see where my story is going...

So I make my way down the hall to bathroom #2, enter the luxury accommodations of the special needs stall, and proceed to conduct my business. However, due to my recent stomach issues, said business took longer than usual. As I was nearing the end of my proceedings - as I'm sure you have already guessed - the lights went off. The switch, being around the corner next to the door, was out of reach. And because of the door being around the same corner what little light manages to enter the room has no way of making its way to the stall in which I sat. In other words, it was very dark. Pitch black dark. I had yet to utilize the toilet paper (which, I might add, was installed incorrectly so that the free paper hung from the rear and back of the roll, and not the front and top, a topic dug has addressed before) and was in somewhat of a panic as I didn't want to judge the doneness of the next phase by feel. Deciding that waiting for somebody to enter the bathroom on their own accord was leaving too much to chance, I turned to my phone for help. Logging in to Google Chat, I asked a co-worker if he wouldn't mind walking down the hall and putting his arm in the bathroom to trigger the lights. He agreed and within a minute I was on my way again. Yet another reason why I can't live without my Blackberry!

UPDATE: I just timed the lights in the bathroom. 10 minutes is the threshold. If you can't complete your business within 10 minutes it's lights out, literally. Seems extremely aggressive to me. After talking with my co-workers it's clear I'm not the only one who has been plunged into darkness.

7 comments:

Bart G said...

You need to learn to take care of business in the dark so when you do 24hrs of Moab and need to hit the porta potty at 2:30am before your lap you don't have any issues. Start practicing!

KanyonKris said...

You are the James Bond of bathrooms! What a suave way to escape your predicament. Good story.

BTW, what's the etiquette with the special needs stalls? First come, first served? If able-bodied never use it? I admit it's hard to resist the luxury of the extra space.

UtRider said...

Tomorrow I'll wear my headlamp just in case..

Utah Mnt biker said...

TMI!

irideiwrite said...

that's what cell phones are for. they give off just enough light to climb stairs to the bedroom at 1 a.m., find your keys on the desk net to the bed at 3 a.m. or find the roll of TP in a pitch-black public bathroom.

Good thing you didn't have a wind stance while you were there in the dark.

dug said...

bart, nobody should have to learn to do their business in the dark, except maybe navy seals. at 24 hours, just wear your riding light into the outhouse. it'll be like a lighthouse, but stinkier.

irideiwrite said...

if it takes you 10 minutes to do your business, you need to see a doctor about some laxatives. or get some imodium.
:D